2.85 Days and counting

I haven't smoked a cigarette in three days.
Well, 2.75 days. If I'm being honest, which I am.

The day is not over until I am in bed, eyes closed, and in the throes of REM. The day is not over until I see 12:00 glowing green. Then I can tell myself, "YOU ARE A ROCK-FREAKING-STAR."

I am fighting it. My stomach is aching from too many Hot Tamales. My fingers are nail-less and a few are a little bloody, but I am fighting.
I keep telling myself,
it's ok if you gain a few pounds. It's ok.
It's ok if you gain a few pounds and you have ugly, bloody hands. It's ok.

I try not to wonder too long if it really is ok because that stresses me out and that makes me think about smoking.

Focus on the good, right? RIGHTO!
(I've never said that by the way. Is that even real?)

Here is the good stuff.
I haven't had to wash my hair yet. I know what you are thinking - that's a good thing??
Ummmmm
Have you smelled a smokers' hair the day after?
It's bad. I can't tell if I look like Pigpen from Charlie Brown but I am sure I can sense the swirl of nasty around my head. Saving time and money and fears of being Pigpen. That is also RIGHTO!

But I will wash my hair tomorrow. Just because I like to be CLEAN.

I am getting rest!! Rather than walking to bed like a mummy at 10 or 11pm, I am practically leaping into bed at 8:30. Is this because I have nothing else to do and no conversations to be had with my husband?
NOPE.
It IS because if I don't get under these covers, if I don't shove my toes into the sheet that is tucked tight like a cocoon, if I don't tell myself,"Only crazy people get OUT OF BED to go light up," I will likely run as fast as I can out the back door and shove that skinny little stick into my mouth.

(sigh) This is not a pretty picture. I straight up sound like some kind of addict.

So, it's 8:30. With a book.
Which takes me right into the next BEST THING,
I am READING LIKE A STARVING PERSON.
(current book is LOVE WARRIOR which basically every woman, and man, on the PLANET should read)

Here's a marvelous thing though - I WAKE UP refreshed. Seriously.
AND AND AND
My morning breath has changed. YES. This is a fact.
Now - I have also switched toothpaste so a big shout-out to Thieves and all the essential oil lovers out there, but I am also thinking all the chemicals I typically suck into my lungs are no longer trying to escape through my wide-open (very possibly drooling) mouth while I twitch and slumber.
Do I want to suck face as soon as I open my eyes?
EW. NO.
But the morning breath has definitely gone down a notch.

Sunday was DAY 1.
Sunday night I was rethinking this whole "quitting smoking" business or at least seriously considering putting it off until Monday.
Some serious stuff happened Sunday. Stuff I wanted to talk about, ponder, ease in to - all while smoking.

But here's the thing - ISN'T THERE ALWAYS GOING TO BE SOMETHING??

Life does not wait. Life does not slow down and give us a breather. We have to make our change while we bob and weave. Change does not happen while we stand still.

So here I am. 2.85 days (updated!) I want one with every twitch in my fingers. Can you tell? I've never written with so many CAPS before!
But not today.
Not tonight. I'm going to bed. I'm going for FOUR.

XO