hello ...

i love to write. it has been my dream to write a book. why a book? well it just seemed like the most natural thing to do. writers write books. But here's the thing - i am not a very good book writer. I am unorganized. I am a little scattered. And i have a tendency to get stuck. Some can write their darkest, set down their pen, and go eat a piece of cake. I write my darkest, throw my pen against a wall, and eat the entire cake. My mind can't say "see ya later" to the dark spot. It's like checking into a hotel thinking it will be a quick overnight and next thing you know, you are renting the room by the month. And we all know what those hotels look like. Say hello to sleeping with the lights on and not walking around with bare feet. You get it. So for now, the book is out. i have to admit, this really bothered me. I thought to myself, "Why God? Why did you give me this desire but not the follow-through? I mean, i feel like LOSER is stamped on my forehead." And then God answered me. I think he tried to answer me a long time ago but i wouldn't stop talking at him long enough to hear ... or maybe i thought i heard but dismissed the idea as not good enough. Weird right? Real writers don't blog. Do they? i have no idea. i am not sure what makes a "real writer" anymore. All i know for pretty certain, certain enough that i don't feel like i need to swallow a bottle of pepto to quell the queasiness, is this, this blog thing, feels pretty alright. So here i am. and here you are. Can i just say thank you for reading this at all? I know there are so many options, and not a lot of time. My hope is that you find hope in this. That it makes your day a little easier, a little brighter, or at the very least, that you feel understood. If you can ever read anything i write and think, "yessss" then that would make my heart pump a little faster. Isn't that what we all want? Just to be seen. What will this blog be about? I asked God that too. Remember i said i am a little unorganized? a little scattered? So expect that. It will be about life, and stuff, and everything. Some will be daises and butterflies... others will look like something from Coraline - dark and creepy with the distinct impression something is not right. But that's life. At least what i have seen so far. I love the daises and butterflies ... but i will face that dark. i will take hold of the creepy. and together we will stare down the things that just are not right. we will do this together. I'm in.